Go With Your Gut: Interview with Neillie Butler, Founder and President of Mariée Ami
I recently went one on one with Neillie Butler, founder and President of Mariée Ami.
Adam: Thanks again for taking the time to share your advice. First things first, though, I am sure readers would love to learn more about you. How did you get here? What experiences, failures, setbacks, or challenges have been most instrumental to your growth?
Neillie: I started Mariée Ami in 2009 at the height of the recession with pretty much nothing except a plan to work hard. I used my last dollar to buy a computer from Costco and got to work planning a sweet sixteen party for a family friend’s daughter. My husband—an accomplished lawyer—acted as my assistant that night because I needed someone to serve the food.
Now, a decade later, our firm has been named Best Wedding Planner in the South by Brides magazine, we plan luxury weddings all over the world, our staff has grown to eight (my husband, you’ll be happy to know, kept his day job), and that little girl who celebrated her sweet sixteen is now one of my bridal clients. While I could not be prouder of where we are today, I’m just as proud of what it has taken to get here.
When I was a child, I was diagnosed with a severe learning disability that made school very difficult. I remember hearing my fifth-grade teacher tell my mother that college would be a waste of time for someone like me. I worked my way through school determined to prove myself, knowing that I would have to study longer and work harder than my peers. In 1999, I graduated from high school and was accepted to the University of Alabama.
Six months into my freshman year, I was diagnosed with Desmoid Sarcoma, a rare soft tissue cancer. While the news was devastating, I was determined to meet the challenge. I had surgery to remove a tumor and returned to school. One year later to the very day, I was diagnosed with a more serious case. Again, I went through surgery to remove the tumors. Because of the cancer’s aggressive nature, the doctors told me there was a good chance they would have to amputate my left leg. I remember going into surgery thinking I would wake up without my leg. Fortunately, they were able to save it, but they told me that walking would be nearly impossible.
Not long after the surgery, I got a staff infection and found myself again fighting for my life. Once more, I was sustained by the faith and determination that had carried me through past struggles. During those weeks when I was so sick, my mother encouraged me to think about my future. What did I want to do? What did I want to be? Event planning was my passion. It seemed like a career that didn’t require advanced degrees, only hard work. My ambition helped fuel my recovery.
In 2003 during my senior year, I was coming home from a trip to New York when I felt a mass on my quad. Tests revealed that cancer had returned for a third time. Incidentally, I had been busy planning the University of Alabama’s first Relay for Life event for the American Cancer Society. Because of my treatment, I had to turn over the planning to other people two weeks before the race, but I swore I would come back and walk the survivor lap of the relay. One of my proudest moments was walking that survivor lap on a cane.
In the years after college, I went into long-term remission and handled events for a number of large companies before finally starting Mariée Ami. Though no one would choose to face the adversity I have faced, I remain grateful for the hard-won gifts I have gained along the way. It’s a strange thing to say, but fighting cancer—even when my body was so weak—made me feel strong and powerful. It’s given me determination and perspective. I don’t seem to sweat the small stuff. When hiccups happen, like a tornado blowing a tent away a few days before a wedding, or a caterer suddenly quitting, I remain calm because I know how to stand in the midst of storms.
After ten years and hundreds of weddings, I’m immensely proud of our business and optimistic about our future. It’s an honor to shepherd clients through one of the most important milestones of their lives. I am hopeful that my story can inspire and encourage other women to show up and overcome in order to live their true purpose. Life is a journey and I’m grateful for mine.
Adam: How did you come up with your business idea? What advice do you have for others on how to come up with great ideas?
Neillie: I have always loved taking care of people, always loved weddings, and always wanted to work in event planning. (Yes those people do exist. I went to my first bridal show when I was fourteen…) So I knew it was only a matter of time before weddings took over my life. As years passed, I pushed on doing all I could to fulfill my dream of becoming a wedding planner. Once you have that all-consuming, passion-filled great idea, let it guide you and lead you into life’s purpose no matter what lies ahead.
Adam: How did you know your business idea was worth pursuing? What advice do you have on how to best test a business idea?
Neillie: Before diving into the wedding industry, I spent six years in corporate event planning. Taking different job opportunities to learn more about the event planning industry was key to my ability to start Mariée Ami and build it to the place we are today. Even today, I do anything it takes for our clients to have a meaningful experience imbued with warmth, humility, and integrity. Though less often, I still fluff wedding dresses and put out tablecloths. I believe in a heart-centered approach to business, where no job is too small and no detail is too insignificant. To be a great leader, you must keep stepping into all facets of your business, testing and refining the experience that you give to your clients.
Adam: What are the key steps you have taken to grow your business? What advice do you have for others on how to take their businesses to the next level?
Neillie: I’m always eager to say yes to a new project, client, or challenge, but I have learned that if I want to grow my business, I can’t fake it until I make it. Instead, a key step to growing my business has been to challenge myself to analyze what systems, resources, and talents I currently have while considering my next leap or opportunity. If I don’t have the right systems or resources in place, then I work hard to set into motion what is needed so that I can say yes when the next opportunity arises. As I mentioned above, growing your business is a constant refinement and elevation of everything you do. The payoff is repeat business and referrals that are based on your efforts of creating lifetime value for your clients.
My advice to others would be to always have a thumb on the pulse of what you are really capable of doing. If you feel unsure about being able to take your business to the next level, then analyze what needs to be done in order to do so. Is it adding another employee? Another talent? Another skillset? Invest in yourself so that you can say yes; but most importantly, always invest in your business and your employees. Even with the ongoing pandemic and economic recession, I did all I could so that my employees continued to feel momentum. Instead of paying myself, I’d prioritize giving everyone bonuses and still increasing their salaries. If you want your team’s investment and commitment to your clients, you must show them that you’re willing to invest in them first.
Adam: What are your best sales and marketing tips?
Neillie: The way we conduct our business – both with clients and vendors, has become our most authentic business practice and naturally become our best marketing tactic. I lead my business with the mindset of treating others like you would want to be treated – with a mix of hard work, respect, and grace, and it has continued to attract repeat and referred business. As long as you are putting good, authentic, and truthful business practices out there, the people you work with begin to sell your business for you in the most natural and organic way possible.
Adam: In your experience, what are the defining qualities of an effective leader? How can leaders and aspiring leaders take their leadership skills to the next level?
Neillie: An effective leader is one that has a strong sense of emotional intelligence. It is a balance between delegating in a way that empowers other people on the team to feel ownership in their own work while also understanding when to provide feedback that will best benefit all involved.
A leader can take their skills to the next level by checking on their self-awareness. By asking themselves questions such as, “Do I need to make any changes? Is there something I can do better? What goals am I working towards?” a leader can analyze where there is room for improvement and ensure they are keeping in line with their goals on how they want to run their company.
Adam: What is your best advice on building, leading, and managing teams?
Neillie: There is a lot that goes into building a team filled with a sense of comradery, but it all starts from the leader. How a leader acts sets the tone for the day, the project, and the task at hand. As the leader of Mariee Ami, I am fully responsible for how people are going to work together, how they are going to treat each other, and how they are going to uphold the brand’s mission. I believe in building a team that is built on trust, that gives grace, and that allows each member to be honest with questions, mistakes, or wins. We celebrate the good, and we support and problem-solve with the bad – all working towards the same goal, together.
Adam: What are your three best tips applicable to entrepreneurs, executives, and civic leaders?
Neillie:
Go with your gut – When making decisions, we can analyze and look at the data all day long, but if it doesn’t feel right, then it usually is not right. Trust your instincts as the leader and don’t look back.
There is no such thing as over-communication. Communication is key in leading and running a business, and you can never over-communicate your expectations, plan, goals, and desires to your clients, vendors, and team.
You don’t have to be the smartest person in the room, but you need to be the hardest working. If you are willing to put in the hard work, then you can achieve anything you set your mind to.
Adam: What is the single best piece of advice you have ever received?
Neillie: Surround yourself with good people and everything will be just fine.
Adam Mendler is an entrepreneur, writer, speaker, educator, and nationally-recognized authority on leadership. Adam is the creator and host of the business and leadership podcast Thirty Minute Mentors, where he goes one on one with America's most successful people - Fortune 500 CEOs, founders of household name companies, Hall of Fame and Olympic gold medal-winning athletes, political and military leaders - for intimate half-hour conversations each week. A top leadership speaker, Adam draws upon his insights building and leading businesses and interviewing hundreds of America's top leaders as a top keynote speaker to businesses, universities, and non-profit organizations. Adam has written extensively on leadership and related topics, having authored over 70 articles published in major media outlets including Forbes, Inc. and HuffPost, and has conducted more than 500 one on one interviews with America’s top leaders through his collective media projects. Adam teaches graduate-level courses on leadership at UCLA and is an advisor to numerous companies and leaders. A Los Angeles native, Adam is a lifelong Angels fan and an avid backgammon player.
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